A Million and One
by monoxide girl
Summary: There were a million and one things Demyx wasn’t supposed to say and each of those were the things Axel didn’t want to hear. [Oneshot][AxelDemyx, hints of onesided AxelRoxas][Rated for Language and sexuality.][Complete.]


_Disclaimer; Don't own Kingdom Hearts. It belongs to Disney, Square Soft/Enix/whatever and whoever else was involved._

_ AN; Whoo. I had to write this. There isn't enough serious AxelDemyx stuff out there and I adore this pairing like whoa. So, today because I was bored, I sat down and wrote this. I'm looking for feedback, too, since this is another something I wrote that I didn't hate like crazy. _

_Yeah, no flames about the pairing, either. x3 It's cute, I like it. That's how it is. _

**A Million and One.**

_Dead punk Girl__  
_

There were a million and one things Demyx knew were forbidden; mentions of who they were supposed to be, mentions of Roxas, mentions of feelings and emotions, things they simply couldn't have because they were nobodies and nobodies couldn't experience anything that related them to humans.

Demyx knew the truth; he liked to think he always had. He knew that Nobodies could experience feeling because rage was a feeling and he was sure he had felt it. He was sure the others had felt that one emotion was well, creeping like ink in their veins.

He knew they felt love because he was sure that Roxas and Axel's wayward glances were more than friendly. But Roxas was gone and forbidden and he had left the only thing that made him human behind in that streets to pick up the pieces.

Demyx thinks that's unfair; even if the affection was one-sided(Which he knew it wasn't, but that wasn't the point and he had no actual proof to stand with), friendship should have kept the blonde there. But it didn't, and Roxas was gone.

Demyx is a dreamer. He likes to come up with fantasies that make dealing with the unimaginable truth much easier for him. Truths he never believed to be truths, truths that have been forced down his throat because his beliefs are part of the million and one things that aren't supposed to be spoken of, thought, mentioned for the sheer fact they cannot be true.

Demyx thinks that Xenmas is full of shit.

He tries; he tries to show patience, to understand why everyone is so hollow towards what is the ultimate of truths.

That yes, Nobodies can feel, nobodies have hearts, nobodies can love and hate and cry and all that.

There are a million and one things that Demyx isn't supposed to say, and each of those things are words Axel wishes that the musician could swallow up and never speak. Because hearing about Roxas hurts and it damned well shouldn't, and where does that brat get off talking like he knew the secrets of the universe.

Axel is jaded; he doesn't believe the crap that's spewing from Demyx's lips, no matter how appealing and beautiful and _wonderful _it sounds. He's very convinced that if he had a heart, it would have been broken by this point in time.

Feelings, emotions, love, hate, pain; they were just chemical reactions in the brain, they weren't real. And part of him desperately wished that he could remember what each of them was like, even if that's impossible. Because Nobodies don't feel and that's that.

The first time Demyx comes to him, it's late and he's alone. And the blond just sits as if it's the most natural thing in the world and Axel is furious because of it. He isn't sure why and he stomps off. The musician just smiles and shakes his head as if he entirely understood everything.

Axel knows he can't, he doesn't, he never will. Because that would mean there was hope and his hope walked out the door and didn't look back.

Demyx plays his sitar to escape. His fingers skim furiously over the strings, each sound coming from that piece of wood and metal haunting and beautiful. He plays for what he lost, what he never will gain, what was and what never would be.

Axel hates when he plays. He hates the sound because it reminds him of everything he never wanted to hear. He blocks it out and lights several things on fire before storming off to search for Roxas again.

He doesn't find him. He doesn't expect to, anyway.

The second time they speak, it is Axel who sits. He listens to Demyx as he plays, that stupid song, over and over and over. And he is soothed and calm; Roxas doesn't matter, having a heart doesn't matter, nothing really matters but the intricate dance of long, slender fingers.

Axel compares Demyx to the rain more than he would like to admit. The blond is calm and beautiful, and thin and he looks stupid with that mullet of his. But he's perfect, despite each little crack, each fault line that marks him as a nobody.

Demyx doesn't laugh when Axel attempts to play the sitar. His fingers are clumsy and they can't follow the patterns for the music. But he knows the fire-user is furious at his imperfection and that makes him crack a smile. Because it's a feeling, and he would take any emotion he could.

He settles behind the other man and takes his hands in his, carefully guiding them over the strings. This is their dance; it is forbidden and Demyx is surprised when Axel thanks him.

They listen to the Sitar music often; Demyx seated in front of the red head, his fingers drawing the beautiful sounds effortlessly. Axel has no interest in playing anymore and Demyx doesn't ask why.

The first time they share their bed, it is clumsy and awkward and painful (As Demyx sourly remarks the next morning as he pulls his jeans back on) and Axel can't help but laugh at the blond's shy nature. But it is beautiful, and feeling something is better than feeling nothing. And they hold each other and Demyx doesn't say 'I told you so' and Axel is thankful for that mercy on the other's part.

Demyx isn't jealous when Axel runs. He isn't hurt, or angry when emerald eyes grow distant and he knows he's thinking of Roxas. He just plays his sitar because Roxas is forbidden and Demyx cares too much for Axel to bring up anything like that.

He wants to bring the blond back because he knows he cannot pick up all of Axel's broken pieces. Demyx would sacrifice because that's who he is and he doesn't like seeing Axel hurt, even if it would break his heart.

There are times when Demyx doubts. He hates himself for it, but little disbeliefs creep through his brain like toxin and he can't make them stop. Axel does; he quiets his concern because his simply being there proves it.

The first time Demyx confesses, it is mumbled and he's flustered and he doesn't know how to go about it. It's just a quick, rushed, "I love you" and that is that.

Axel doesn't say it back and Demyx tells himself that he isn't hurt.

It carries on like this, back and forth, secretive because if anyone found out it would be the end of everything. Axel makes love to Demyx like it's the last thing he's ever going to do, and Demyx isn't bothered by that. Eventually, they're all going to die, and he doesn't care. As the red-head sleeps, he kisses his temple and brushes his hair from his eyes and just smiles.

Because he had known all along that he was right and this just proves it.

The day Demyx receives his orders to go to Hollow Bastion it's like a death sentence and the blond is shaking. He's going to cry and he's scared as hell because he knows he won't come back. And suddenly knowing he's right is so insignificant and everything that once mattered makes no sense anymore. Because he doesn't want to die and leave Axel broken again.

Axel sits and watches as Demyx throws things and screams and cries. He thinks the temper tantrum is childish but he doesn't say so. Once the blond is tired and worn-out, they sit and hold each other because this is what they had always known would happen.

Demyx leaves at dawn and he doesn't come back.

Axel tells himself he doesn't care, but when he comes through the clearing, he can't look at the smashed Sitar on the ground, or the puddles of water splattered everywhere He tells himself it doesn't smell like rain and that it doesn't hurt. Hurting isn't something he can do anymore. It's not possible.

Axel feels strangely hollow as he presents the ruined instrument to Xenmas that evening. The superior nods knowingly and Axel is furious, but he doesn't let on. He's sure this was the other's intention and that Demyx had been sent to death.

He sets the Sitar on Demyx's empty bed, takes one last look around the messy room and remembers the tears and the screaming and the anger, hurt and everything else. He locks the door as he leaves, locking everything that happened in there, too, because carrying it along with him is too much to bear and he wants to forget.

He wants to forget each of the million and one things that Demyx wasn't supposed to say, yet did anyway. He wants to forget that he had been right all along, and that even if he acted like an idiot, he was right and brilliant and wonderful and perfect.

He isn't sure what pisses him off more;

The fact that Demyx was right all along and he knew it.

Or the fact there were a million and one things he should have said but never actually managed to.


End file.
